The doctor’s hair! à

My hairs! à

When I was in highschool, & was bragging about a bruise I got playing lacrosse. The bruise was on my breast. A guy friend of mine resonding with:” the two most disgusting things a woman can have on her breast are brusies and hair.” I kinda freaked out inside. I was ashamed and scared that my body had betrayed me. The hair around my nipples was growing thicker and thickers.

A long long time passed and I graduated from college. I went to a women’s conference at Twin Oaks. There were so many naked women with all types of nipple hair, stomach hair, and chest hair. I wasn’t the hairiest one anymore. When I feel uncomfortable wbout my body hair, I remind myself of twin oaks and llt he hairy women  there! <3 h

Two and a half years sober and feeling sooooo much. Feeling my fears and my heart and stepping into leadership & power. And Self love. <3 xoxoxoxoxo

Being in my body means being in my power. Quitting shaving helped me stay away from sharp objects on my skin. Now I’m a hard-core pit pig and am grateful to be in safer, genderqueer spaces because I can be myself and rock a mic and a stage and embody a genderlessness that isn’t always accessible to me anywhere else. Thanks for reminding me of who I am and how important this work is for us.

Before having my child I was very skinny and fit. I gained a lot of weight in pregnancy. I also later developed fibromayalgia. I’s also always been envious of the more fit members of my <drag king> troup for being able to go shirtless in numbers thinking I couldn’t do that because of my size. Their confidence of me allowed me to finally be able to try it myself and I found acceptance and now have a better body image. M. Dizzi

Rosie

I too have hairs I struggle to love. I have hair on my chest. I have hair pretty much everywhere else as well, but it’s the chest hair that seems to symbolize my “excess hairgrowth.” Having beautifuuly smooth cleavage has been a center point of feminine sexyness for me, and when I discovered my chest hair I was crushed. For a long time I only wore high necked shirts and scarves. BuTooààà…Now I am learning to flaunt my chest hair!

I have been seeing two doctors at once, like an affair, I am doing it to both of them. I tell certain things to one and not the other. One knows I am gay and the other does not. All those years of feeling powerless at the doctors has had it’s toll. Krisitin

When I first came out my first girlfriend and I were making out and she said “what’s wrong with your tongue?” I knew I had a tongue that was tied but had always though it was cool. I would even look at it in mirrors and do tricks with it. After my first girlfriend commented in my tongue I becasme really insecure for about 15 years about kissing. It was only a year ago that I met someone and she and I have been kissing ever since. I love kissing now! J

I have a rare intersex condition and have never liked Dr.’s Dr.’s always want to poke, prod, and treat my like a science experiement. I have a form of tetragameic chimerism and have chromosomal and physical intersex characteristics. My body is physically a merge of male and female. I don’t identify as wither male or female, but I did choose to have a masctomy. I had a lot of complications and revisions. I have no sensation in my nipple, nut after having the surgery, I started to grow many fine hairs out of my nipples. I am unigue! <3

So ok, let’s talk  about hair & shame. I recently made a video for dan savage’s “It Gets Better” project, a lot of peeps <3’d the video, and left literally 100’s of sweet messages. But the one I remember word for word says, “who’s the old guy in the wig and what has he done with Kate Bornstein.” Ah, well. Bullies stay, we get better at dealing with them and we #stay alive. <3 Kate

Most of my life I’ve dealt with “grandma” hairs. Dark hairs under my chin that have bugged me. I’ve gone thr plucking and want to try waxing. It’s something that’s on my mind constantly. I’m always afraid people see them or are aware of them and in my mind are so much more appartent that they really are. MCH

• I’ve been feeling isolated and alone
• I remember that other people can feel the same way
• I tried to keep this in mind + reach out to other people to heal myself and to help other people

A single hair no more

I’ve always had a hate/hate relationship with my huge tits. All the women I have been with intimately have loved them. When I first started telling ppl how much I look forward to top surgery as a FTM so many woman have said, “ but what about your awesome boobs?” I worry that the people who are attracted to me now will not be attracted to me when I complete my transition.

Hairy Nipples and a Big Clit

What ever the case, embrace.

When I was 15 my boyfriend Michael broke up with me becsaue I was “too fat.” And I quote “I really do love you, but you’re not hot; you’re fat.”

10 years later, I’m a bear. And happy.

Fuck you Michael.

Hmmm… this project reminds me of the part in the story concerning my body and my feet,a nd the hypersexualization of black males… relating to the part of my story (there were many parts, LOL, but this speaks most directly, IMO)… there is another conception/mysoncecption that I did not understand. For the longest time, once I had learned that males have their own lubricant and realized that I am one of the few men who have no pre-ejaculartoy fluid. I spent quite some time worried about different partners and their opions on what my “condition” was. once I met the right person, she helped me understand that we are all different in many ways, and that is the true nature of beauty and aesticitics.

My shame about my body is layered with shame about being ashamed. I catch myself being mad at myself for being ‘fat” because I have a small belly- and then I automatically get even angrier at myself for having those feelings. I love fat on other people’s bodies but am critical of it on myself (and crittica of being crititical, of being crititical, or bring crititical…)

Thank you for sharing your story! It was great to hear how often (you) felt different from the Norm. As a man attracted to other men who are mostly unlike me (asian, age, facial hair), I had to transcend the more standard notions of beauty in the gay community.

-PB

Tonight I was embarrassed to leave the house for Open Space tonight because of the long hair growing out of the top of my ears – so I shaved it off – and now I feel worse because I shouldn’t be ashamed of my “werewolf” ears! Actually I don’t feel worse I feel better THANKS

Bruce

i have very sensitive skin. In this day and age I feel that with intimate partners it is an issue to have pubic hair or not have pubic hair. i often feel uncomfortable about my hair “down there” because to be hairless is not an option with my skin sensitivity

M

Doctor Sara,

Thank you, what an awesome experience. My name is Xander and the story I shared with you was of my beautiful, sensual, textured stretch marks that have found on my belly when I was younger, when they first appeared, I was ashamed of them. As I grew an ____ and touched my body. I grew to not only love them but appreciate and honor them. Thank you for sharing

Year of the Tiger

I think that this project is a total fucking whack job but it was intriguing & fun at the same time. Dr. Sarah you would make a great Dr- a terrific bedside manner – you are a great & powerful spirits – keep your creativity out there & God bless. Michiliane 1.16.10

When I was in fifth grade I played basketball. I was a nerd and a jock which was forbidden! One could not be smart and an athlete! So the girls on my team decided to pull my pants down during practice. This exposed my young and hairy bush! I was so ashamed. I did not want to be further tortured by these assholes.

On my first trip to NYC with my family. I was forced to endure ‘CATS; the musical. I was a teenager just getting used to using tampons. At intermission, I went to the Ladies’ room to change, and midway I couldn’t remember if I had discarded the old one yet. I didn’t see a string, so I proceeded and much to my horror, felt the pressure of 2 in at once. I quickly pulled out both and ran.

Plucking this hair reminded me of the continuous process I experience for 24 years, constantly trying to get rid of my facial hair. A few wisps appeared in 1985, the result of 2 back-to-back pregnancies. Hormones exploded and 6 dark hairs sprouted on my smooth chin like delicate fronds. I plucked them out, they came back with companions. I kept repeating my folly, soon I had an entire beard. OMG. Then I had it waxed- it smarked and I had to let it grow back LONG enough for the cosmetics to apply way for it and the Horrible! I kept looking downward to conceal it. That didn’t work. FINALLY! I had electrolysis and the hairs were KILLED. I wish someone had told me how really easy it was to get rid of them 25 years later, the final solution! D.

When I was in high school I was so self-conscious about my acne that I wouldn’t go anywhere without makeup covering my zits. Late one night I cut myself and took the time to put on concealer before my mom took me to the emergency room.

I often forget about my body hair unless other people remind me of it. Sometimes a friend will notice a chin hair or two getting a bit unruly and so I let them pluck it. People seem to like plucking other people random hairs. This is quite all right. If they feel such a strong urge let them puck it! Go ahead be my guest. The nipple hair that I just plucked was one of the few times I have plucked a hair. Thank you for the opportunity.

When I was just hitting puberty (12 or 13 yrs) I had a friend sleepover my house. I was an only child but I had 2 beds in my room- one for me and my friend slept in the other. I was starting to grow a few pubic hairs + wanted to know if she was as well but I was very embarrassed to ask. SO … I wrote a tiny note on a small piece of paper, and folded it up as much as I possibly could, smaller + smaller until it was the size of a dime, and passed it to my friend. The note read, “do you have hair?” really tiny though more like: DO YOU HAVE HAIR?   My friend read the note wrote her response, folded up the piece of paper once again and gave it back to me. The note said this: YES !!

Jai Brooks

I guess my story involves gender and hair only figures in peripherally as my rather hairless body makes it so. My story was more of a couple of statement. 1. “I feel like I should have been born a man so my body always feels somewhat other.” 2. “When I’m strapped- I feel like myself but I was I had something more to give women so they know that it really is ME inside of them and that the deepest intimacy is possible.”

I used to bleach my leg hair in high school b/c I thought I shouldn’t shave (proto-feminist) but I wanted to be able to look like I did, sometimes.

tm

4.18.10

Growing up I was never comfortable with my gender. I was never happy being a “boy” and always felt never fully recognized. As I grew up and into my queer identity, I found outlets to be seen more as a female boy, and I found a series of people who, mostly without my prompting, were able to see that part of me. I still feel dysphoria around both my ___ and my gender, but less so in the gut places and among the right people. I’ve also always been overweight and have always had a great shame around being fat. I to this day have a lot of share around my body weight/size. This is all the more potent in the queer community, where all of the work around size has been either in the gay male bear community or in the queer women community. I have never been gay male identified and I’ve struggled to be accepted in queer women circle. In the gender queer/trans (specifically ftm) circle in which I travel, and among whom I find my lovers, the ideal “boy” body type is super skinny/hipster, and I am not that body. Among the people I find attractive, most are idealizing a body-type for boys that I do not have. This is a struggle to this day.

Thanks, Dr. Sarah, for the work you are doing around body issues, gender, & sexuality. I really appreciate you and am glad to have gotten to know you.

Best,

D

“I WENT TO THE BATHROOM,

TOOK A CRAP, IN THE

DEAD SEA, WHICH IS

VERY SALTY, SO THE

RESULT FLOATED RIGHT

PAST MY NOSE!!!”

WHILE My small children watched……

Carl Schoettler

I am in constant excruciating pain and have to wear a shoulder brace at all times. People ask questions & it’s a long story that I’ve told over & over. It’s not an interesting story – I had shoulder surgery that went wrong. Everywhere I go I either get stared @ or people quickly smiles of heads. I get I don’t want sympathy; but my problem them. I wish I was invisible.

A.B.

ONE TIME I SHAT MYSELF AT MY JOB AT MICHAEL’S ARTS AND CRAFTS. I DID IT IN FRONT OF A LADY WHO WAS ASKING ME FOR GLUE.

I have constant pain all the time in my back I used to have to walk around with a cane and a walker. It was embarrassing especially because of my young age (21). Using a “crutch” labels you as a cripple or there is something wrong w/ you. Now I no longer use a cane but am still in excruciating pain – which cannot be seen by others. I try to hide the pain but sometimes cannot & people don’t know what’s wrong w/ me. Apparently neither do any doctors. so for now stuck w/ this…

Peace

CH

OH WELL, THAT’S SOCIETY…

I AM SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT LOSING MY HAIR AND I THINK THIS IS COMMON FOR YOUNG MEN WHO ARE LOSING THEIR HAIR. THERE ARE MUCH BIGGER PROBLEMS IN LIFE TO TACKLE IN LIFE THAN HAIR LOSS. I AM 27 AND FINALLY TRYING TO LEARN THIS. IT IS HARD BECAUSE SOCIETY TRIES HARD TO MAKE ME FEEL SELF CONSCIOUS.

Hello Doctor,

In August 2009 while visiting Minneapolis, I feel about 9 feet off of a roof, This unfortunate accident landed me at the U of Minnesota Hospital.

The fall had shocked my kidneys into not working. After 24 hours without urinating, the nurse informed me that she would need to insert a catheter. I was fearful of the actual physical pain of something in my penis, but also of the vulnerability associated with losing control of ones own body. When the moment came, I clenched the sheets as tightly as possible while looking the other way. It’s as if it wasn’t happening to me if I couldn’t see this flexible tube being inserted into my body.

Ultimately, this experience made me more acutely aware of the weakness of the body and the humiliation of loose of control as well as the inevtabi that goes with old age.

Thank you,

NOAH.

Dear Doctor:

Ten years ago I was receiving conflicted messages from men. I developed a large chest very early in life. As I aged, men were either drawn to my large breasts or rejected me because I was aging.  I decided to do something about it. I got a job at Hooter’s as a “Hooter’s Mama.” After a year of low cut outfits and good reviews I acted. My friend does make-up for movies and painted realistic black scabs on my breast for 2 months. Though I had good work reviews I was summarily fired. My lawyer and I sued Hooters for 10 million dollars in damages. The award was granted to me by a female judge for adhering to the Hooter’s rule even with leprosy black scabs on my décolletage.

When I decided to start shaving my legs in the 8th grade, I felt more shame about the act of shaving than I did about having leg hair. I knew I “had to” shave to be accepted by my peers. Instead of asking my mom if I could shave, I secretly borrowed her razor one morning and shaved. When I went downstairs with my obviously-shaved legs, my mom asked if I had shaved and I immediately said NO! I’ve never been able to fully understand why I felt so ashamed to ask her about shaving or tell her I wanted to, especially b/c my mom is a very accepting & understanding person

When I was in high school, I became very ill. I was put on an intense regime of medications that made me gain a lot of weight in a short period of time. This wreaked havoc on my body, causing stretch marks on my arms and tummy that became visible when the weight came off. When being intimate with someone I take this into consideration…it definitely hinders and shames me from being comfortable and confident with someone.